Giving people what they deserve

Have you ever wondered why we sometimes give so much to people who give us so little in return? We make excuses for their behaviour, forgive them repeatedly, sacrifice our comfort for theirs, and continue to show up for them even when they barely show up for us. Sometimes, we do all these things because we believe that if we love people enough, they will eventually learn to appreciate us.

Unfortunately, that is not always how life works.

One of the hardest lessons we learn as we grow is that not everyone deserves the same level of access to us. Some people appreciate our presence, while others only notice our absence when they need something from us. Some value our kindness, while others mistake it for weakness. Yet, we often continue giving, hoping that one day they will recognise our worth.

But how long should we keep giving more than we receive?

Giving people what they deserve does not necessarily mean becoming cruel, seeking revenge, or treating others badly because they have hurt us. It means learning to recognise where our efforts are appreciated and where they are constantly taken for granted. It means understanding that kindness is a virtue, but kindness without boundaries can leave us emotionally exhausted.

Think about a friendship in which one person is always available to listen, offer advice, provide support, and celebrate achievements. However, whenever that person needs the same support, the other suddenly becomes unavailable. If this continues, should the first person keep giving endlessly simply because they want to be a good friend? Or should they recognise that the friendship needs to change?

Sometimes, the answer is not to hate the person or end the friendship immediately. It is to stop carrying the relationship alone.

The same principle applies to family, romantic relationships, and even everyday interactions. We must learn that loving someone does not mean accepting every behaviour, forgiving without change, or sacrificing our well-being to keep them comfortable.

Another important lesson is that people should not always be judged by their promises but by their consistent actions. Anyone can say the right words, make beautiful promises, and claim to care. However, genuine care is often revealed through consistency, consideration, honesty, and effort. When someone's actions repeatedly contradict their words, we must be willing to acknowledge what we see rather than hold on to what we hope they will become.

Nevertheless, we must be careful not to turn this lesson into an excuse for selfishness. Not every delayed response is disrespect, not every disagreement is betrayal, and not every person who disappoints us deserves to be removed from our lives. People make mistakes, experience difficult seasons, and sometimes need understanding. The difference lies in whether they acknowledge their mistakes and make genuine efforts to improve.

Giving people what they deserve, therefore, begins with wisdom. It requires knowing when to give another chance and when to establish a boundary, when to offer help and when to allow someone to take responsibility for their actions, and when to remain present and when to step back.

Perhaps one of the most important things we must understand is that we cannot force people to appreciate us. We cannot love someone into becoming considerate, nor can we sacrifice enough to make an unwilling person value our efforts. Sometimes, the more we give, the more people become accustomed to receiving without considering what it costs us.

We must learn to give without losing ourselves.

At the end of the day, giving people what they deserve is not about calculating every favour or demanding that everyone repay our kindness. It is about learning to give wisely, love responsibly, and protect our peace without losing our humanity.

Be kind, but do not allow kindness to become a reason to neglect yourself. Forgive, but do not confuse forgiveness with permission for repeated mistreatment. Love people, but remember that love does not require you to abandon your own needs.

Not everyone deserves everything you have to offer, and recognising this does not make you a bad person. It means you are learning that your time, energy, loyalty, and kindness are valuable. Give generously where there is genuine appreciation, but have the wisdom to recognise when it is time to give less.